Of course I never expected to hire a matchmaker or dating service. Like all of us, I imagined the perfect love would appear at the perfect time. We’d ride off into the sunset happily ever after. But that didn’t happen—not even close. So after years of dating in a decidedly unproductive fashion, I began to consider alternate approaches for meeting The One.

Maybe it was time to bring in the professionals.

It was my father’s idea initially. “Doll Babe, why don’t you try It’s Just Lunch? I keep seeing their ads. It looks like a good idea.” At first I felt a little—I don’t know—insulted maybe? “Dad, I can get my own dates, thank you very much. I don’t need an agency to help me meet men.” “I know you meet plenty of men, sweetie. I’m just wondering if you’re meeting the right type of men.” He had a point.

Still, I wrestled with the idea for several months. Below are the three main reservations I had—and what it took for me to get over them.

3 Reasons I Didn’t Want to Hire a Dating Service

  1. It’s Embarrassing: Admittedly, I wasn’t running into strong prospects on my own, but hiring a matchmaker seemed a pretty drastic step. And frankly, it felt a little embarrassing. What would people think—that I was so pitiful I couldn’t manage my own love life? Then again, I had to admit that although I did date a lot, I wasn’t connecting with men with whom I could envision a future . . .
    How I Got Over It: Ultimately, I realized there was no shame in partnering with a dating service in order to avail myself of a pool of quality eligible men and have someone do the contacting and arranging for me. What’s so embarrassing about intentionally trying to find love? Nothing!
  2. It’s Expensive. Of course the fee proved a barrier at first. Who wants to have to pay for dates? Why couldn’t I just bump into The One on the subway or at the park or at the gym?
    How I Got Over It: As I deliberated, I eventually came to see the cost of the program as a perk, not a detriment. If the service were cheap or free, it would attract people looking merely for hook ups and casual dates—and I didn’t need any help finding guys like that! I came to realize that the financial investment actually serves as a vetting process, ensuring that the men I’d meet were serious about pursuing a long-term relationship!
  3. I Don’t Get to Pick Who I Date. Turning over my romantic pursuits to a matchmaker meant I gave up control over who I met! This definitely gave me pause.
    How I Got Over It: After mulling it over, I recognized this obstacle would also end up being beneficial in the end. One of the main reasons I considered hiring a dating service in the first place was that I didn’t have time to scroll through hundreds of profiles, reading bio after bio and perusing photo after photo. Losing control of the selection process meant gaining time—which was definitely worth it to me

The One Reason I’m Glad I Did!
And as for why I’m so glad I hired a dating service? Because that’s how I met The One! In May we’ll celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary and we couldn’t be happier! Thankfully, I got over my reservations and joined It’s Just Lunch because Dan and I never would have crossed paths if we hadn’t!

If you’re considering hiring a dating service, I’m sure you’ve grappled with the same concerns I did. I hope my thoughts will help you determine if a matchmaker is for you. And more than anything, I hope you meet The One!

Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell met her husband through It’s Just Lunch Chicago

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